Alcoholism affects everyone, not just the alcoholic.

Nowadays so much is spoken about and known about alcoholism especially within the family unit. It affects everyone. It brings on other problems like abuse, financial stresses, lack of parenting because of the focus shifts on the alcoholic and not what the children need as far as growing into a successful adult with self-esteem, self-worth, knowing how to be in healthy relationships, and how to cope when things go wrong.
Don’t assume that because you got through another night of the alcoholic being drunk that things will be better today or if you don’t speak about what happened the night before that it didn’t happen.
Seek help. Do what you have to do for you and especially your children, not for the person that doesn’t want to get better.

When men just don’t know any better?

A few weeks ago I was approached with a job opportunity for an Accounting position. I’ve been out of work for a while and I’m in desperate need because my finances are dwindling down. So, when I was approached with a possible job for a major social media influencer in Beverly Hills, I was thrilled and relieved. Not only did the position seem perfect and I was qualified based on my experience, the pay was exactly what I was requesting and needed. The recruiter thought I’d be a perfect candidate, too. I had to do some testing though before I was sent out for an interview. And, even though I had been approached on a late afternoon I was willing to do whatever was required of me. That evening I researched the employer. The name had sounded familiar but I couldn’t pinpoint who he was. As he came across my screen, I totally knew who he was. I watched a few videos, googled him to see what others said about him, and checked out his Instagram which displayed him dancing with several girls, other posts were he flaunted his mansion and cars but said that wasn’t what he valued. He values knowledge (on how to grow your Instagram account?). Was I really this desperate? He annoyed me and I really didn’t know what he does besides selling falsehoods and everything that is superficial and shallow.
I guess I was that desperate. I have no one helping me out. I don’t have much in my savings, no retirement, nothing really. I had to push my personal thoughts aside. I knew I had dealt with different personalities, probably equivalent or worse. I could do this, I thought. So the next morning I started on the two personality tests and a comprehension test. I began the first personality test. 100 questions, choice questions (either or) to see where your personality was on different aspects, were you a narcissist or not, etc. Ugh. This was getting tedious and weird. After a few questions I saw that this was his very own personality test. Why I knew, they were coming from his website and I had taken personality tests before. Some of these questions seemed different. More personal. And that was just it. They kept getting more personal. Some questions were building upon each other, making me feel more uncomfortable as I continued. Probably 50 questions in I just wanted to stop. Was he serious? What he is asking is wrong. I can’t recall what number this question was, I must have been more than halfway through when one of my choices were – ‘I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know’. Oh my gosh! I’m done, I thought. All kinds of emotions were happening. Was he serious? In this age of #timesup and #metoo, doesn’t he know better?
In the end of drilling through the rest of his personality test with a bunch of, “that’s none of your business”, stopping at should I choose – ‘My body is nothing special’ or ‘I like to look at my body’, I completed the test and the other test, too. I sat for a minute trying to decide what I whelplessas going to do. Should I just follow through and see what happens? Maybe I can confront him face to face. I emailed the recruiter. I declined the position because I found his questions inappropriate, I wrote. She later called me to discuss and apologized. I never responded.
Being an older woman who was raised with no gender roles, where I could do just about everything a man could do and vice versa, I wonder why things are still so unequal? I recognize the beauty I had especially in my twenties in the bright lights of Hollywood and learned the hard way what that gets you. I’ve made myself too aware of the statistics of crime against women inflicted by men and in my belief, the crime is also being committed every day by keeping women down, economically and socially. I became a very capable independent woman and mother that raised a young man to not see women as less than because she has different body parts.
This behavior of inappropriateness has happened for centuries where women are an object. We are only good for breeding, being mothers, being utilized for the hard work without getting any recognition, and to be only what our outer appearances are to the eyes of men. Are we as women getting further away from being seen as qualified and just as competent or closer to being nothing more than having ginormous butts, revealing all to break the internet, subjecting ourselves to countless cosmetic treatments were we don’t look real anymore, so that some of us continue to be objectified to these kinds of personal questions by men?
My years have unfortunately made me well aware of what some men do in the corporate world. We all have heard it on the news. But, why is it still happening? Do some men just not know any better, think they can get away with it because we are naive, young, dumb or just won’t speak up?
Well I’ll tell you this, I’m probably the age of this guy and I have the guts to speak up so hopefully guys like him will think differently, be more accountable, but more importantly so not one more female is subjected to your ridiculous questions that are none of your business and who knows what behavior or atmosphere working for you would be.
Do you just not know any better, I wonder.

Free e-book for the Holiday season!

During Dec. 1 – Dec. 5th, the ebook of Evolving to Grace will be available through Amazon for download.

Amazon best seller
Make sure to download for free during this limited time. Or, get it on paperback for the low price of $10.99!
And, make sure to let me know what you think by leaving me a review on Amazon.

Much love!
Grace

Tonight, 8.11.18

Tonight I cried like…well, like I sobbed.
Baths, those long hot baths I like to take for about 45 minutes do something to me. Sometimes they make those aching muscles go away, sometimes they just relax me, and sometimes they are therapy.
So, I just got out of the bath, dried myself off, and lied down on the floor because a good song was on.

This is not typical. And, then I just started to cry uncontrollably. I began apologizing to myself for being there and drinking. You see, I was raped when I was 16 and still a virgin. I went over with my sisters to some guys place across the street for a small party while living in Chicago. And I drank, until I threw up all over the bathroom, blacked out, and passed out. I woke up in the middle of it, just to only get a few whimpers out of “No”. I’ve rarely cried about it. The 1st time I cried about it was when I was edit my memoir, a few years ago. I never thought it affected me much because I was passed out. But, tonight the apologies kept coming. I’m sorry for putting you there. I’m sorry for drinking. I’m sorry that you’re parents didn’t love you the way you needed to be loved. I’m sorry for everything that was hurting you up until that point to make you feel unworthy and putting yourself there. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…because you are worthy.
How many decades later and I’m really just getting an idea that not only it did affect me, but that it really may have (along with other things) affect my life.
I’m sorry because you (I) deserved so much more. This was the last thing I said to myself as I stopped crying and got myself off the floor.
We all have our moments. I hope you pull yourself out of them with kindness and love to yourself.

What would you tell your 16 year old self if you had the chance?

This is me when I was 16 (1986) in Klein, TX.

I was already a high school dropout. I had already had a few #suicide attempts behind me. I had already known what it was to drink until I passed out & blacked out, many times. I was an #acoa before I knew there was such a thing & it’s complexities of being an adult child of an alcoholic. I unfortunately also knew to well #abuse – emotional, mental, and physical.
What would I tell her?
That you have a sweetness that someday people won’t take for granted or abuse. That you are so cool in your likes and appearance. That you are strong and you will get through this and everything life will throw at you. That you will experience beautiful things and have a great son that will be such a great human being and that you raised all by yourself.
That from all your heartache and pain, you will love deeper, care more, and be more resilient. And lastly, I love you just the way you are and that that is what matters most!

If you haven’t thought of what you’d tell yourself, I hope that you do so now. ❤

Much love, Grace.

 

 

 

Please remember what makes you beautiful! ❤

If you are thinking or have thought about suicide, if you are worried about someone you know, or if you just need someone to talk to, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with their counselors online. All services are free and available 24/7.

Once I stopped running from my pain.

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” -Steve Maraboli ❤ 

It’s so amazing how as a teenager I use to run.

Run from my surroundings, run from my life, run from everything. It was my way of escaping. I was trying to escape from the reality of everything that had gone wrong in our lives – alcoholism in the home, abuse, neglect, violence amongst almost all of us in my home, and then losing it all that included our home. In a year, I ran, thinking maybe something would change. 

At 16, I literally was in Houston, went to Chicago, went back to Houston, then went to California, then back to Houston, back to Chicago again, and back to Houston. Then finally went back to Cali – for good. Once I stopped running, I ended up exactly where I was before I started running – in the reality of what life had given me for 16 years. Only then could I decide to live in the pain, heal, grow, and learn.

Your circumstance is what life has destined you to live and it all has a purpose – to cherish what you have/will have, become stronger, become wiser ~ evolve.
There are no easy roads to a beautiful life.
A beautiful life: a life where you value what you have, value spending time with the people who are in your life, the moments you get to do the things you love to do, and all the experiences that bring you laughter, happiness, peace, and awe moments.
For some of us life is harder, but you will get stronger and become more resilient if you decide to work through your hurt and sorrows. I’m not saying you’ll never be hurt again or past traumas or situations that made you suffer won’t affect you again. You’ll just become a much stronger, braver, wiser individual that can fight through whatever life (or people) have in store for you.

Remember that you are always thought of.
Much love ❤

📸: By me

If you are thinking or have thought about suicide, if you are worried about someone you know, or if you just need someone to talk to, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat with their counselors online. All services are free and available 24/7.

Happy Holidays to all!


Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself.

Peace on Earth, good will to men,
kind thoughts and words of cheer,
are things we should use often
and not just once a year.

1yr anniversary – R.I.P. Dad

I saw this at the mall and it spoke to me.

I probably have a connection to it because it has water, looks like it was taken under the sea. And, I probably feel a close connection because I’m such a Pisces, water girl, mermaid. I even take baths, a couple a week, and they usually are as long as 30-45 minutes long. Sometimes taking baths like this reminds me of Big Fish, the movie. ☺ But, this #art piece made me also feel and think of how there are days/times in my life that I need to just flow, swim, or reach with what the current tide in life is bringing me.
Today is one of those days. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my dad’s passing. Even though there are important things I need to deal with, calls to return, all I’m going to do and focus on is the time I’m going to have with my son down at the beach. My dad (& family) loved the beach, the ocean, the water. I want to remember him there.
I want to laugh, cry, and feel his love there.
R.I.P. Dad. I love you!

Book Giveaway

Just in time for the holidays – enter to win 1 of 2 signed copies of Evolving to Grace. 

Evolving to Grace is a memoir about perseverance, strength, spiritual evolution, and the choices one must make to change one’s path. I share my life’s experiences, my journey—finding my way out of darkness—discovering hope, positivity, strength, happiness and the right path for the life I choose to live. I write about many challenges I’ve had to face and overcome—either due to alcoholism, depression, violence, rape and being a single mother on welfare.

I could be labeled many things: illegal, ACoA (Adult Child of an Alcoholic), domestic violence survivor, excessive alcohol and drug user, rape victim, assault victim, hitchhiker, high school dropout, call girl, and single mother on welfare. But, these are just situations I ended up in when I was lost and broken. I’ve learned from my past and I am evolving to find my grace in this beautiful thing we call life. I believe by sharing my story, we all can learn from one another or at least find more compassion and understanding. We can change our destiny, our path.

Head over to Goodreads.com to enter!
Best of luck! Enter soon! I hope you win!

#bookgiveaway #contest #freebie

You Can Choose

You can choose to stay in the hurt and pain.
You can choose to remain angry.
You can choose to be like them.
You can choose to continue victimizing yourself.
You can choose to live in the negative.
You can choose to throw it all away. 

 

 

 

Or,

You can choose to live with love.
You can choose to live in the light.
You can choose to live seeing and being in nature.
You can choose enjoying loved ones.
You can choose enjoying listening or seeing your favorite band.
You can choose to have that delicious meal.
You can choose going to a city that you love or enjoying the experience of getting to know a new one.
You can choose to bask all day in the sun or to play in the snow.
You can choose to stay in, under the covers, on a cozy couch, watching a great movie.
You can choose achieving those goals that you set forth for yourself that makes you feel accomplished.
You can choose to have that 1st date that you have been anticipating for days.
You can choose to fall in love.
You can choose to have a child or as many children as you desire.
You can choose to learn new things that bring you pleasure.
You can choose to continue doing that thing you are passionate about.
You can choose to get older, being able to look back on your life and smile because it’s been interesting and you’ve loved it, even with its ups and downs. 

  

The choice is yours.
What are you going to choose?

#ACoA #recoveryispossible #12steps

Do What You Love

One thing I don’t share about me too often  is one of my passions – photography.

It’s been something I’ve been loving and doing since about the age of 6. It brings me happiness and it is 1 of the things I actually think I am good at.

 

 

I believe we all should be doing what we love. Easier said then done sometimes. I know. I had to raise a child all by myself and thought I’d be practical and do Accounting. But, now it’s my time to chase my dreams! Even if I don’t succeed, I’ll never give up doing what I love.

Never let go of what brings you happiness.

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. It’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.
Barack Obama

#photographer #chasingmydreams #acoa

The pain can stop, if you just hold on.

Years ago, what seems like lifetimes ago, I tried killing myself a few times.

I wanted the pain to end.
I wanted the life I had to end.

But, what I really wanted was a new life, a different life than the one I had.
It’s all about change and the choices one must make to change their life.
If you ever feel – you want out, remember this – your life, your situation is only temporary.

I know it may not feel like it and you feel like you can’t take it, live it one more day. But, if you hold on, you can get through this, and your life can be different. It can be just how you want it!
It’s not easy. It doesn’t happen overnight.

But, there are pleasures out there. There are hilarious, beautiful experiences waiting for you to have.
Just hold on and find something that helps you get through this and benefits your future.

You were given life because it needs you!
Much love, Grace!